The word

 

Last year’s word was expand, and I think i nailed it: everything got bigger in 2010 including my work, my dreams, my opportunities, my dress size, my family, my heart. A lot of growth has happened in the last twelve months, and I found myself yesterday, on the last day of 2010, feeling a bit worn out. I was trying to write this post, then thought i could do a review of the decade, and then i became very tired indeed, so I posted my favourite Polaroids of the year and closed my laptop, my word of the year ringing in my ears…

Compassion. Noun. sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Com~passion. living life with passion, with vim, with delight. Welcoming passion back into my life. Passionate.

It’s time to send some compassion my way, instead of beating myself with a stick every time i don’t live up to my own standards. Time to become conscious of situations, expectations and moments that cause me distress or discomfort, and gently let them go. This isn’t a get-out-of-jail-free card that let’s me off the hook: this year i fully intend to continue Doing The Work — the soul-work, the dream-work, the love-work — but if i can infuse some compassion into my life i believe i’ll not only be able to look after myself better, i’ll also be able to pass that self-care on to those i meet, whether it’s in an Unravelling group, my nephew and family, my friends, everyone.

The other side of my word is com-passion. With passion. I’m lucky to have a lot of love in my life, but you know what? I want more passion too. Continued passion for my work. Renewed passion for my body and health. And some new passion arriving from unexpected quarters… preferably in a six-foot tall, twinkly-eyed, cheeky-grinned package — bring it on!

The lovely Bridget asked us to pick a colour for 2011, and I immediately knew mine: RED. Lately I’ve been buying a lot of red, from the red leather cover for my Kindle (more on Kindles soon), my Moleskine pocket diary, a red dress, a red hoodie, a pretty red scarf… suddenly i can’t get enough of red, and wearing it makes me feel so much more energised and juicy. I’m under house arrest these days while i write write write (two months to go!) and infusing RED into my world is keeping me awake and inspired… can’t really describe it any better than that. Do you know what i mean? The lusciousness that is RED. The life-affirming, scorching, lick-your-lips hotness of RED. I want more of that.

After closing the laptop last night I prepared my dinner and lit a RED candle. The evening unfolded quietly, exactly as I’d planned, and I allowed myself to rest, rather than pick up a pen and continue writing. Sometimes it’s better to leave some space for the brain to reboot, deadlines or not. This evening I’ll be expanding on my word for 2011 using my Unravelling The Year Ahead worksheet — it’s the same one from last year but i found it so helpful i’ve updated it for 2011. If you know your word you might like to join me — you can download the worksheet >>> here. <<<

So tell me, what’s your word for 2011? Are you ready to set a few intentions for the year by candlelight tonight? x

 


The art of belonging


December 7. Community.

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I’ve been very lucky to have two consistent circles of community supporting my life this year: Twitter and Unravelling.

I love how my online world spills into my offline; there doesn’t seem to be a barrier between the two anymore, as I meet people on Twitter, or in Unravelling classes, or at Squam or at a meet-up in New York or Boston or London. Friends come for lunch in Bath and then we’re chatting on Twitter later that evening. Facebook messages, Flickr comments, DMs… some days the level of connectivity is a little overwhelming, but it is always cherished. For such an introverted soul in real life, i love having this vibrant — and caring — online community around me. Observing my Twitter stream yesterday I saw that I inhabit several micro-communities  — the photographers, the handmade artists, the creative biz people and the life-coachy self-awareness people — and where the four intersect is where my interests and business flourish.

And then there is the blessing that is Unravelling; with every class i run i meet more and more amazing women, the connection lasting long after the course ends, as we chat on Twitter and Facebook. I give as much of myself as I can to every class, and it’s an amazing feeling knowing there are over 1,500 women out in the world who have truly seen me — that is MY unravelling. In return, i watch the community grow over the eight weeks of the course, and the honesty, kindness and encouragement I witness makes my heart swell every time  — reading Debra’s post yesterday totally made me well up.

And it’s been watching how Unravellers continue to connect long after the course has ended (check out this and this! And hello to the ladies of the Unravelling cabin at Squam :) that made me realise I want to create an Unravelling haven next year, an online space for women to gather and support each other, every single day of the year…. once my manuscript has been delivered in March it’ll be all systems go to get this new dream off the ground.

I really can’t wait.

For #Reverb10

Like leaves fall from a tree


December 5. Let go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I’ve been trying to let go of expectations and shoulds because it’s apparent with every day I live that they do. not. serve. me. They make me distracted and dotty, trying to live up to what i think should be happening. What I should be doing. Where I should live. What I should have achieved by now.

What my body should look like. Hoo boy, that’s a big one.

Letting go of the shoulds is a daily practice, a minute-by-minute task I try to remember to do; some days are easier than others, depending on the hormonal winds blowing through my veins. For example, this weekend I was writing fluently, seeing my family, floating around my flat feeling on top of my game. Today, however, I am ready to jump out the window and end it all. I am sick of my own miserable company and have been self-medicating with coffee and toasted tea cakes since I woke up. No writing done, feeling like I’ve let myself down, cowering as the shoulds gleefully beat me with a stick. Hormones and stress are a horrible mix.

I know there will never be a point when I’m so zenned out with everything and everyone I never have another worry; hormones will rage, deadlines will loom, nephews will grow, food will go bad in the fridge — it’s just life. And as much as I embrace my glorious imperfection, I’ll still have days like today, when i hate dislike myself intensely; and when they come round I just have to lean into them, try to let go of the shoulds, and make it through to bedtime.

That is enough for one day.

For #Reverb10

The smallest blogger in the world


I’m not sure if having children is on the cards for me; I’ve said this here before, I’m sure, and I’m saying it again because it’s still true. I’ve watched my friends bringing up their children, and now I’m experiencing it on an even deeper level as I support my sister. Motherhood changes you on a cellular level — I’ve seen it, I feel it, I know it. It’s a club you walk through fire to belong to, and sometimes those of us on the outside can feel a little left out.

But I’m discovering that this auntiehood gig is pretty intense too — it’s just taken at a more stately pace. Yesterday I babysat Wobble for a couple of hours while his mummy had an appointment in town. The last time it was just me & him it was a breeze – all giggles and snuggles and practicing our crawling.

Yesterday was different.

We started well — he ate his lunch like a champ and we played for a bit; he now has a Ph.D in crawling and was bravely exploring the kitchen and living room. But he has two teeth coming through and at some point the pain must have kicked in because he started to cry, and he didn’t stop for nearly half an hour. The poor lil dude was wailing.

I’ve been with him when he cried in the early days, but I just wasn’t emotionally prepared for the heartbreaking tears of actual pain that came yesterday. I didn’t know what would soothe him, so I just held him and rocked him and let him know he was safe as he cried into my shoulder. I talked to him as gently as i could, and then i started singing. And after a while the sobs abated and he fell asleep in my arms, and the more i sang, quietly, nuzzled into his neck, the more choked up I became. I felt how small he was, and how much i want to protect him, and my heart just cracked open – i could feel it happening as his tears soaked into my T-shirt and my tears fell on him, and that was it – a sodden mess of emotion and empathy standing in the middle of the living room.

And I’m sharing all this here because I know you mamas out there know what I’m talking about and are no doubt nodding your heads with teething memories of your own, but you know what? It was a big moment for me, not only in my auntie initiation but also in my healing. Every time Noah cracks my heart wider I realise how tightly i have held it together, how much I have wanted to protect myself from pain. But by doing that I also protect myself from love. And again and again this little boy is breaking down doors and bringing his auntie back to life in the place it matters most – in my heart. Because I can’t help loving him – it is instinctual and powerful and I’m powerless against it. And sometimes it scares me, but all I can do is roll with it…

I heard a rumour that there’s a holiday of thanks happening somewhere in the world tomorrow, so this evening I’m thankful to have this amazing little healing guru in my life… and I’m grateful to all of you who come here and read my ramblings – thank you! xo