Unless Zeus himself flies down on a moonbeam into my bedroom it’s pretty unlikely this will be turning into a mommy blog any time soon, but i hope you will forgive me if i keep talking about Mr Wobble Head. If you’d been in the centre of Bath yesterday afternoon you would have witnessed me having a TOTAL love melt-down in the middle of the street as i tried in vain to say goodbye to him. I just couldn’t let him go as i sniffed and kissed his little head, the little shrimp sleeping all snuggled up in my arms. And then the tears came. My bruised heart was exploding in my chest, woken up by the tiny guru who came from my sister. I think he’s here to teach me how to love again…

And I knew i’d love him – i remember how much i loved my godchildren when they were little. I knew i’d feel protective of him – he’s family after all. But i honestly didn’t expect to fall in love with him to the point of the near-hysteria I felt yesterday.  i didn’t expect the love to be so animal, so tribal. Steve, aka Papa Bear, quipped yesterday that he loved his son so much he almost wanted to throw him against a wall, his way of expressing how powerful and physical his love is – and i feel the same. It’s the crazy love you feel inside, yet you cradle the baby so gently and carefully… all the while wanting to eat him all up with a spoon :)

After treating Noah to his first lunch at Jamie’s yesterday, the four of us dawdled through Bath giving off some powerful love vibes, evidenced by the number of people who stopped us in the street to coo over his insane cuteness. After we said goodbye i just didn’t know what to do with myself; i had full-on auntie brain and tried to return a dress i’d bought to the wrong shop (cue much embarrassment at the cash desk as the sales girl looked at me thinking i’m mad). Finally got home and moped around the flat – the baby high come-down is hard. I’m now seriously considering living in a tent in my sister’s garden, just to be close to the little man…

These photos crack my heart wide open to reveal the melty centre inside; Mr Wobble Head has turned me into a chocolate liqueur. I’ve been in the auntie club for all of a month and a half, but already things have changed. I have held little babies before and basked in the love-vibes they emanate, the ones that makes you want to protect them at all costs. But with Noah it feels different. After only three days with him last weekend I am completely and utterly head-over-heels in love with this little guy, to the point where I’ve felt sad all week because I wasn’t able to see him. Every time I spoke to my sister on the phone I felt tearful. WTF?

I’ll share a shameful secret with you: when my sister was pregnant i was scared that i would lose her, that she would be pulled into the land of motherhood and i, her single childless sister, would be left behind; Abby is the closest person to me in the whole world, and the thought of losing her was an agony i carried quietly and worriedly. After the euphoria of the birth came the emotional crash of the day after, but as Abby has found her way so have I. Our paths may be looking radically different right now, but we still, happily, share our singular sister brain cell.

I haven’t read any books about being an auntie so i didn’t know what to expect. I mean, how hard can it be? I’ve had wonderfully close relationships with friends’ kids, so surely it would be like that. But what i’ve discovered, during my first tentative steps into auntiehood, is that this time it’s different. He is family. He is a part of my sister, and because she is a part of me then he is a part of me too… it’s a big mush of family connection, and I love it. Noah looks uncannily like I did as a baby; there was a moment last weekend when i was holding him and looked at his tiny face and just completely recognised him. It was weird and beautiful, strange and bonding.

Did i mention his cute little fuzzy head?

This feeling – this in-love-ness – will grow and change as he grows and changes, and I’m looking forward to being there for him every step of the way. What’s even more interesting is that I don’t feel broody at all; rather, I just feel attached to HIM. I’m not swooning and wishing I had my own baby in my arms; i simply want to protect him and love him and make him happy. Mr Wobble Head. Little Noah Bear. My nephew.

See? I’ve fallen in love.

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In other news, while my heart has been exploding with love for MWH, my brain has been doing some exploding of its own. Thank you so much for all the feedback on the workshops – i can barely write fast enough to get all my ideas and plans down. I’m cooking up some magic for you!