My top 10 book secrets


1. There is a photo of me naked hidden in the pages.

2. But, arguably more shocking, the word unicorn appears in the book.

3. I hint at both drug use and masturbation. Yep, I went there.

4. I recount the story of meeting my father 16 years after he left our family home.

5. I share how I embarassed myself in front of my poetry idol.

6. I reveal the four words that changed my entire life.

7. I tell you how I really feel about my wobbly thighs…

8. … after sharing the story of my week on a nudist beach.

9. I ate approximately four jars of Nutella (with a spoon) while writing the first draft.

10. The entire canon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer may have been playing in the background while I edited the second draft.

Bonus: There is only one f-bomb in the entire book. I think this shows great restraint on my part ;)

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Thank you SO MUCH for all your pre-orders yesterday! Currently This I Know is #7 in Creativity and #3 in Death & Grief on Amazon.com, which is above and beyond anything I’d hoped for this little book. Thank you! xx

A very special offer for you

* PLEASE NOTE: The pre-order offer has now closed as the class has started. Thank you for understanding! x

So, I wanted to create a sweet pre-order offer for This I Know that would enhance your experience of reading the book. I ummed and ahhhed about making a brand new course, mindful of the fact that time was running out — and then it hit me. I have a beautiful jewel of a course that has been waiting for the right moment to step back out into the light — it’s called Exploring the Senses and it’s a 30-day dive into sensual living.

I think you’re going to love it.

The goal of the course is the renewal of our senses – becoming more aware of them, how we use them and how we can strengthen them. It’s so easy to jog through life with our eyes shut, our ears closed, our sense of smell dialled down to zero, so we’re going to be gently challenging this as we work through the course. This I Know is all about mindfulness, living in the present moment and mining our lives to uncover the truth about the past and our dreams — I can think of no better way to plug into all that good stuff than through our senses.

The course includes many of the exercises and inquiries that have supported me in my healing journey over the years, which is why I knew it would make such a great accompaniment to the book.

There are also interviews with peeps who inspire me, including Andrea Jenkins, Fabeku Fatunmise, Helene Dujardin and Bridget Pilloud. So I hope this sensual journey will be an enjoyable extra layer of unravelling for you as you read the book.

How to get the course:

[info removed — offer now closed]

The book can be purchased online from Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.ca, Chapters and Barnes & Noble — the books are now with retailers, so you won’t have to wait long to get your copy, I promise. If you found This I Know in a bookstore (yay! real bookstores!) then just send us a photo of the book.

BONUS!

As an extra special thank you, and because a) I strongly believe This I Know is meant to be shared with the women in your life, and b) I want to encourage sales to please my publisher (let’s be honest, here :) if you buy THREE books we’ll sign you up to Exploring the Senses AND send you the Photo Meditations ebook ($150 value – 114 pages of awesome) for free!

[info removed — offer now closed]

PLEASE NOTE: This special pre-order offer will close at midnight GMT on Monday June 4th.

Thank you so much to those of you who’ve already pre-ordered the book! It’s so exciting watching my book baby find her way in the world — with every email I receive from a reader I realise that the book isn’t really about me at all. I mean, I wrote it, sure, but it’s what the reader finds in the pages that’s most important. xx

So we don’t pass them on

Thank god for friends who listen and support. Thank god for kind souls who read my words and leave comments for me to find. And thank god for six-year-olds who see i’m sad and make a book to cheer me up.

I’m having a strange experience of my book today, not wanting to pick it up because I feel so far from the woman who wrote it last year, yet opening a page and finding a passage that resonates so loudly today it’s like a bell sounding in my head:

“I believe that by being the best and most healed version of ourselves we can truly make a difference in the world. I’m not an activist or politician, and I’m not able to have any direct impact on the areas of the world where help is needed. But what I can do is make a difference in the small pocket of the world I call home. I can live with integrity and be honest about my feelings, even when they hurt. I can put my whole heart into my work and pay forward the generosity that was shown to me when my world fell apart. I can look after myself, knowing that by healing my own hurts I won’t be passing them on to anyone else. In a society like ours, filled with so many emotionally wounded people acting out their pain, this is possibly the most important work we could ever do—heal our hurts so we don’t pass them on.”

from This I Know, page 271.

The truth

There are moments when being on your own is excruciating.

I have been on my own for seven years. The first half of that I couldn’t contemplate being with another man — how could I, when my whole heart and head was still attached to another? Bereavement is a difficult beast, a space where you experience the past as if it were the present, when every memory is relived — every conversation, every argument, every moment, is examined as if it were happening now. I grieved for years. I relived every moment of our relationship. I relived the flaws and the magic; I felt ALL OF IT. And then I moved through it. I found work that meant something to me; I found a way to live through the pain — to accept it — to process my loss and find a place for it. I found my way to the other shore.

I survived.

And here I am, on that other shore, filled with hope and expectation and the small tentative belief that if I just let myself be seen, if I let another SEE ME, I will find love again. And it scares the shit out of me. Even now I find it so hard to believe that all I have to offer — all that I am — will be accepted by another man. That I can be loved. That I am loveable. That I am worthy of love.

And so I took a chance. I took that first wobbly step out into the world. I knew it had been too long — I knew I was still bruised, still so full of doubts. But I did it — I reached out. I took the training wheels off and rode out into the world of dating. And then, when I least expected, I was shot down. And it’s so curious to be sitting here now, with the heavy weight of disappointment pressing me to the floor. Because it’s not just me. There’s another person who’s dealing with their own shit, their own confusion, their own fucked up head. And I can’t help them—i am not the person they need. And that’s a hard one to sit with, because I’m so used to being the healer, the one who makes sense of it all. But when they look you in the eye and tell you they can’t do it, all you can do is smile, and nod, and say yes, you understand. Because in some strange, unexpected way, I do understand. I get it. But it doesn’t stop the disappointment.

I know this is just another chapter in the book of my life. I know this is just the beginning of the future path I have stepped onto.

But, fucking hell, it hurts.

This is my truth tonight.